Tortura do meu s(ab)er

A hotel room, half a sleeping pill…pen and paper at hand. A million thoughts burning my eyes, rushing in as many directions, clashing in a myriad of kaleidoscopic explosions. Scalding my mind, as if chaos was the most sublime of choreographies. Spontaneous combustions of predatory gluttony, destroying everything that ravishes through them. Lavishly composing this melody of madness, that slowly devours me. Alimentando a loucura que ilumina a escuridao em que sou. Doida, Louca, Tonta de tanto pensamento incontrolavel que me corre nas veias em lugar de sangue. Palavras tortas em pensamentos alinhados. A kaleidoscope of feelings and understanding in a place where I no londer reign. Nem a minha alma, nem o meu ser são meus. Migalhas de um mundo que é so meu mas não me pertence. Ainda assim eu continuo, entendendo mais cada vez que compreendo menos. Desvaneada, sem palavras numa mente onde o chaos dança eloquentemente. Graciosamente, as in an eternal choreography, subconsciously realizing that void is the only reality. What is, can be nothing more than all that isn’t. Incongruous limbo between awake and somewhere in the depth of thought, sobressaltada pela realidade. It’s so deep, that my heart nearly stops each time. I am brought back in the mundane dangers if disaster. I am starting to loose myself inside my own mind. The depth opf the void becoming more and more defined, rapta-me o pensamento afavel, para aqulea dimensao que cada vez mais me consome. I am no longer satiated by the lingering of my thoughts in the subconscious of my existence. Now, at times I feel as if all my molecules travel with my mind into the subconscious dimension of my silent ranting. Incongruous meanings, meaningless words. Abstract precisions in undefined settings. How can it all seem so normal to me, which all others ostracise. So, I no longer. I loose myself in the silent ranting of endless monolgues that scarcely conclude. Never ending stories or thoughts, memories are the only tomb stones. I wish for a dream that needs sleep. I will even settle for a nightmare as long as I can sleep. How meagre the rest para uma mente vagabunda como eu. Alma vagabunda de uma mente louca. Tortura do meu s(ab)er.